Tonight after I got home from spending a week with my family I called a friend that I have lost touch with over the past couple of months. She told me her grandfather had died. This shocked me although I had only met the man once. He was a leading force in the structure of her family and she talked about how everyone seemed in a strong state of shock. I remember this shock well. When I turned 18 my father got into a construction accident and a week later he died. I remember songs would play on the radio and I couldn't stand to hear them. I hated talking to people. All the layers and masks necessary for normal life were just too apauling to wear or see being worn. I don't mean people's sympathies; I think these were real. I mean the plastic pleasantries that are exchanged on a non-personal basis - going to the store and exchanging 'how ya doin's' with the clerk, the small talk with aquantances, etc. Someone pulls out in front of you while driving but it does not affect you. Petty things go by noticed but they do not become a part of you as occurs in normal life. These things might then be seen for what they are. Some might think that during this time you might become uncaring about the world, but I think this is when we care the most. It's because then we really care about life and those we love. It is then that we can really hear our conscience.

Many people regularly question my focus on 'negativity.' - that I still need to live my life even with the state the world is in. I try to explain, often with poor results. The global harm man does to one another is nothing new, but to me it can never become 'more of the same 'ol same 'ol.' It is because this harm becomes degenerated into the same plastic substance as our daily routine that we find ourselves in the situation that we are in. When we begin to really seek truth with no comprimise to the false warm fuzzies then we might feel our remorse of conscience. Through this we can work toward a world that does need masks.