Tonight after I got home from spending a week with my family I called a friend that I have lost touch with over the past couple of months. She told me her grandfather had died. This shocked me although I had only met the man once. He was a leading force in the structure of her family and she talked about how everyone seemed in a strong state of shock. I remember this shock well. When I turned 18 my father got into a construction accident and a week later he died. I remember songs would play on the radio and I couldn't stand to hear them. I hated talking to people. All the layers and masks necessary for normal life were just too apauling to wear or see being worn. I don't mean people's sympathies; I think these were real. I mean the plastic pleasantries that are exchanged on a non-personal basis - going to the store and exchanging 'how ya doin's' with the clerk, the small talk with aquantances, etc. Someone pulls out in front of you while driving but it does not affect you. Petty things go by noticed but they do not become a part of you as occurs in normal life. These things might then be seen for what they are. Some might think that during this time you might become uncaring about the world, but I think this is when we care the most. It's because then we really care about life and those we love. It is then that we can really hear our conscience.

Many people regularly question my focus on 'negativity.' - that I still need to live my life even with the state the world is in. I try to explain, often with poor results. The global harm man does to one another is nothing new, but to me it can never become 'more of the same 'ol same 'ol.' It is because this harm becomes degenerated into the same plastic substance as our daily routine that we find ourselves in the situation that we are in. When we begin to really seek truth with no comprimise to the false warm fuzzies then we might feel our remorse of conscience. Through this we can work toward a world that does need masks.

This morning when my 'Inside Yahoo' news summary page popped up I saw an article with the headline, 'Bombers Kill 74 at Two Mosques in Iraq.' How does this make any sense to anybody with a remotely critical mind? Suicide bombers, who are supposedly fighting against the U.S invasion are apparently killing their own people, over and over again? I'm sorry but I can't believe for a second that this story is what so many accept - That 'the suicide bombers are just so fanatical that they will kill their own people' - that 'they are just so crazy that they cannot think what they are doing' - that 'their actions are beyond any logical comprehension'. Bush still repeatedly makes ties with the Iraqi insurgency and Al-Qaeda. So here we are to believe that those crazy illogical suicide bombers are under the same direction as the group that supposedly bombed the strongest nation (militarily-yes, morally or critically thinking-no) on earth using BOX CUTTERS????!??!?!?

Well just like I don't give an iota of credibility to the official story of 9/11, the same are my thoughts regarding suicide bombers in Iraq. Why? IT DOESN"T MAKE ANY SENSE!!! The only way it makes any sense is when you look at 'who benefits?' Then it makes all the sense in the world. The US government benefits over and over and over again. There is no plan out of Iraq because the US gov't does not want out. Iraq is their foothold to wage all the future wars that have been in the planning for years, long before 9/11. These 'crazy Arabs' provide the US with the 'excuse' of 'well we're needed here and if we leave now all these young soildiers would have died in vain'. They make me want to vomit. These psychopaths in power could care less if their percieved cannon fodder that are young men and women die or not. Haven't you heard the stories of families having to buy their enlisted sons and daughters the equipment they need to survive? No, the US government cares only about power over others, true to it's pschopathic form.

And people are surprised to hear that there are these 'conspiracy theories' that the US was involved in 9/11. How long can people hold on to these illusions that this government cares about them?